And now for something you'll REALLY like...

I'm in a community choir called the Conchords. Following are two parodies I wrote, based on tunes the choir has been singing for its spring '08 season. There are some inside jokes (based on rehearsal bloopers) within the first. Just so's you know.

To be sung to the tune of "Get Me To The Church on Time"

I am a member of the Conchords!
Ding dong the notes are gonna chime!
Pull out the stopper --
Don't lose the whopper!
And get me to the show on time.

I've gotta be there in the evening
Spruced up and looking in my prime!
Folks come and kiss me --
Don't dare to diss me --
Just get me to the gig on time!

If I am working, call up my boss...
If I am dahncing, woot, my ahss is grahss!

Oh, I am a member of the Conchords --
I must speak Cockney well by nine!
Mustn't say "Balzac"
'Cause that leaves a big lack!
So let me read my lines all right!

If I am Tevye, I must not say
That I have married a little girl today!

Oh, I am a member of the Conchords --
I am an actor for tonight!
Moh-tel is Mah-tel, and who knows what aht-all?
Just get me to the show
Get me to the show,
For Don's sake get me to the show...on... time!

And here's the other. I think the choir will sing these spoofs to Don, our great director, at the party after the last performance.

To the tune of The Wells Fargo Wagon (from "The Music Man")

Oh, ho the Conchords are coming to your
Old folks home, are you assisted or placed in AIP?
Oh, yes the Conchords are coming to your
Senior residence, we wish oh wish that you could have us FREE!

We’ve got a letter from the AARP, now.
And twice we got a big “standing ‘O.’”
We hope to hit Miami in August.
Our demographics show the seniors all just love us so!

Oh, ho the Conchords are coming to your
Fav’rite place, you bet, we’re ready for all from A to Z.
Oh, ho the Conchords are coming to your
Aging villa, we just wish that you would be allowed to see:

At Calaroga there was some consternation:
The heat was turned too high for our gals.
The guys agreed the temp was too scalding.
But when we went to Creekside Villa it was hot as…(gasp!)

Oh ho the Conchords are coming to your
“Age in Place,” will you remember that we were ever there?
We could be Matlock or Maude or even Andy Griffith.
Or we could be (yes, you’re right we surely could be)
Something special (something very, very special now)
Your new teeth!